he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
