I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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