Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Soap is not a condiment
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
