Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am available for nakedness
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
