I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
