im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
