please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
