Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize