I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
