And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize