We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
even my farts smell like vagina
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
