My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
