I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She even gives head with a lisp.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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