the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
