Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
