i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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