Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
