A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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