She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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