He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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