Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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