VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
