Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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