No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
