Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hippo gnu deer
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
