You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
