It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
