Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
whose ass print is on the piano?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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