I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
