But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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