I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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