Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
