soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize