just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
