My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
