drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
