Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
