things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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