Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
