Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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