He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
