what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
