I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
