I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
