I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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