Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
