Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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