My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
