Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
