You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I lost the right to judge tonight
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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