I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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