and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
