I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
