This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm at about main and main street
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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