I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
