I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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