matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize