Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
