Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
