I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
