Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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