Your face is a jimmy john
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
