So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
