Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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