in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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