I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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