There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
