6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
