I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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