The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
